Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
