you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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