So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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