We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
