I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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