I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
