I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
