first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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