He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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