Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
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In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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