Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
