just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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