The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
are you so shy because you have an std?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Boobs are out for the taking
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
