a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
