i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
