He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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