I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
