her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
