Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
