Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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