Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
