Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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