you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
