Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
