i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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