Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
