everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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