Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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