and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
