Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
