I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
