the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
