i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
