So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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