Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
