There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
