I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
