did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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