Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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