yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
