i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
