Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
my liver is dry heaving
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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