The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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