i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize