i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
