I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
