How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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