When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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