I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
