sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
