you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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