lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
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YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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