we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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