3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize