Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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