just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
