Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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