I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
