Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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