so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
