the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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