He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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